Weirdness from 2014

by Brooke Abbey

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1.
02:16
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credits

released 03 February 2014

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Track Name: Imago
Ooan Nikanj you have always been careful G Cm
To have sons and daughters, not children like you G Bb G
I know it has pained you to channel our choices G Cm
I know because I have stood closest to oo G D G
oo Cm G
oo Cm G
And I love my mothers, and I love my fathers G Cm
But ooan Nikanj, I stand closest to oo G D G
Cm G
Humans are dangerous; I am part human
But danger must come for our race to renew
I could pretend to be sister or brother
But ooan Nikanj, we both know it's not true
oo
oo
For Yashi twists in me as it twists inside you - 
Ooan Nikanj, I stand closest to oo

Consensus was reached not to have construct ooloi
Not yet - and not now - and defer, and review
I know that my wildness and power are frightening
But I am here now; I can't wait for their cue
oo
oo
My metamorphoses won't be convenient
But ooan you know it's too late; I am oo
oo Cm G
oo Cm G
Ooan I am your ooeka,  G Cm
ooan I am oo. G Cm G
Track Name: Shut Up, Men Are Talking
Penelope:
My husband's been gone for a decade and counting D  G  A
This asshole sings to me "He's probably dead" D  G  A
And I've tried to be patient, but fuck all these suitors D  G  A
"Hey music boy, sing something cheerful instead!" D  A  D

Then you, darling son, who I've raised up to manhood Bm  D
From the wee child who would pee in the bed G  A
Said "Mother, go back to your loom and your distaff" Bm  D
Go weave, little woman, don't worry your head D  A  D

For men are here talking G  D
Your voice isn't welcome A  D
I'm sure that you women could not understand G  Bm  -  G
We'll explain it all later  G  D
If we're not too busy A  Bm
Go back to your weaving!  Sincerely, a man. D  A   D


Echo:
Narcissus, you with your love of reflections D  G  A
Might actually love me just as I am now D  G  A
I'm waving my arms but you don't seem to notice D  G  A
And I can't call out; that has been disallowed D  A  D

See, Hera's sweet husband Zeus likes to go raping Bm D
But somehow it's my fault for talking too loud? G  A
So my voice has been stolen; all I have are Echoes Bm D
Like Io, I have been effectively cowed D  A  D

Men are here talking G  D
Your voice isn't welcome A  D
I'm sure that you women could not understand G  Bm   G
We'll explain it all later G  D
If we're not too busy A  Bm
Why don't you take notes, dear?  Sincerely, a man. D  A  D

It's not Ancient Greece, and I'm no nymph or goddess D  G  A
I'm real and I'm tired of quiet and nice D  G  A
But men saying "Shut up" aren't mythical either D  G  A
They have been with us always, like bedbugs and lice D  A  D

Women who speak up have always been silenced Bm D
And always we're paying the same stupid price G  A
We can say the same words with our mouths as a man can Bm D
But men won't be shouted down for their advice D  A  D

Bridge:
My stomach and heart aren't a king's; they're a woman's Bm D
They're stronger than any man's I've ever met G A
They have to be, for when my speaking is over Bm D
There's going to be booing and hissing and threats G A
It's not a man's nature I've borrowed to speak here D  G  A
But men, what I would like to borrow's your ears D  A  D

Because women are talking G  D
And fuck being welcome A  D
And fuck your explaining our lives to us dears G Bm  G
We're sick of your death threats G  D
And "We're Not All Like That"s A  Bm
Make space at the table and open your ears D  A  D
Make space at the table and open your ears D  A  D
Track Name: Lalala!!! theme song
Lalala!!! theme song

Lalalalalalala
Am G#dim7 - Am
Am G E7 Am

Lalala!!! is a serious publication Am G#dim7 Am
Everybody knows that G
Exclamation marks Am
Add gravitas G#dim7
Or dental floss E7
Or hearing loss G#dim7
Or tomato sauce E7
Well anyway they must add SOMETHING E7 Am

Like... for instance... E7
Well I'm going to keep using them. E7 Am

Lalalalalala Enthusiasm! That was it.
Lalalalalala

In every issue I review a state
One that I've definitely
Been to as I
Meander
I wouldn't stoop to slander
I speak with perfect candour
I've been to Indiana!
Just maybe not Alaska

Did I review Alaska?
IT WOULD BE SO VERY BORING TO GO CHECK.

Lalalalalala
Lalalalalala

My readership is a puzzling demographic
Grandmothers and
capslock fetishists
Who've come to expect
Things that I reject
Amusing side effects
Assertions not fact-checked
And helpful diagrams

You know of roller coasters... candy... sandwiches...
Alcoholic beverages... HELPFUL STUFF.

Lalalalalala
Lalalalalala
Track Name: It's Always Raining In Minecraft (Since You Left)
It's always raining in Minecraft since you left C G G7sus4 C
You broke my heart and I can't craft a bridge across the cleft F C Gsus4 G
I am still carrying a torch for you my dear C G G7sus4 C
But spiders spawn inside my heart now that you're not here F C G C

It's always raining now Dm C
It's always raining in Minecraft F Dm
It's always raining now. G C
(autosave) G

I've been so lonely in the night since you've been gone
Without your pleasant company I always skip to dawn
My pixelated darling, why'd you have to leave?
I can't go on without your touch, your server and your Steve

It's always raining now Dm C
It's always raining in Minecraft F Dm
It's always raining now. G C
(autosave) G

I can't do anything but think of you and pout
I try to set the zombie mobs on fire but they go out
I filed a bug report - I'd like a weather truce
But Mojang closed my ticket saying "cannot reproduce"

It's always raining now Dm C
It's always raining in Minecraft F Dm
It's always raining now. G C

...maybe I'll go back to WoW. G C
Track Name: Hold On (Ye Weary Bladder)
Hold on, ye weary bladder Cm F
Until the plane shall land Cm G
For the fasten seatbelt sign is lit Cm F
And the lavatory is banned Cm G Cm

The coffee and the juice were free
But now I feel their cost
Hope the airport bathroom line's not long
Lest my control be lost

Hold on, ye weary bladder
Until the plane shall land
We all must sit while the sign is lit
And the lavatory is banned

I meant to pee much earlier, but -
We met with turbulent air
The sign flashed on and my chance was gone
And I cursed: "That's SO not fair."

Hold fast! Ye weary bladder -
For no diaper is at hand
'Til the gate's in sight, clench your sphincter tight -
Until the plane shall land
Track Name: The Indiana State Pepper
Let me tell you of the pepper from the Indiana State! G - C G
It can never cast a shadow, be it early, noon, or late! G - A D
It's taller than a fiddler and it has dimensions two G - C G
And Brooke may have invented it but HEY IT COULD BE TRUE G - D -

Oh, the Indiana Pepper, oh the Indiana Pepper! C - G -
Our state's beloved mascot, fair of face and green of skin! C - A D
Oh the Indiana Pepper, it's the best State emblem ever! G - C G
It can never cast a shadow for it shines from deep within! G - D G
(Not to mention 'cause it's fake and I have photoshopped it in.) G - D G

T'was discovered by Professor Pete, astronomer renowned
And you know that you can trust a man who wears a Tri-State crown
I don't even know if peppers actually grow in Indiana
But it's not like that stopped Maryland - the Baltimore Banana?!

Oh, the Indiana Pepper, oh the Indiana Pepper!
Our state's beloved mascot, fair of face and green of skin!
Oh the Indiana Pepper, it's the best State emblem ever!
It can never cast a shadow for it shines from deep within!
(Not to mention 'cause it's fake and I have photoshopped it in.)

The Indiana Pepper's fame will never e'er be reached
By the Alabama pumpkin or the boring Georgia Peach
It's got nutrition and tradition and a family-friendly vibe, unlike
The Illinois State Wiener which I will not here describe

Oh, the Indiana Pepper, oh the Indiana Pepper!
Our state's beloved mascot, fair of face and green of skin!
Oh the Indiana Pepper, it's the best State emblem ever!
It can never cast a shadow for it shines from deep within!
(Not to mention 'cause it's TOTALLY REAL THE INDIANA STATE PEPPER IS TOTALLY A THING)
Track Name: Tea & Antiquities
I met a sweet Briton whose smile was so bonny G C G
Despite her attendance at a... Worldcon... ey G C D
I asked for her secret; she kindly explained: G C G
It's by tea and antiquities England's sustained Am G D G

Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! D G
Tea & antiquities brighten one's mood! G C
Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! C G B
Rich clotted cream is the Prozac of food. C G D G

She lectured us briskly on how to discern G C G
Blackwork from redwork on ancient Greek urns G C D
We had scones - "No, they're scones!" And sweet jammy dodgers G C G
And slowly my mood lowered its Jolly Roger Am G D G

Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! D G
Tea & antiquities make me feel blithe! G C
Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! C G B
The right cup of tea would make Death drop his scythe C G D G

Now I've come to the end of my British vacation G C G
I'm many miles distant from Fortnum & Mason G C D
But I hereby resolve that when I feel unsettled G C Em
I shall smile, think of urns, and go put on the kettle Am G D G

Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! D G
A nice pot of nettle, or try the house blend? G C
Tea & antiquities! Tea & antiquities! C G B
A sovereign cure that I highly commend: C G D Em
Tea & antiquities savoured with friends. C G D G
Track Name: Forced Evolutions
Am E Am G I have never been the girl who fights back
C E Am E But then I've never really been the girl, have I.

So. If I want to stay alive - and I do -
I'd better learn to be somebody else
E Am Someone still alive next week

I didn't want to give him blood
Or marrow or slices of my secret inner self
But you know.
The thing that really pissed me off.
That fucker cut my hair
So:

F C
E Am
F C
E -

Here I am climbing up this vent
I don't know what I'm doing
But I'm doing it and burning off
the me who wouldn't dare

If I escape, if I can be that lucky
My prize will be to choose
Which mad scientist to run to


Which is not much of a choice
But at risk of understatement, things are weird
And you know
The thing is that I'm choosing
I get to pull the strings

Sally's dead. And I am...

I am climbing up this vent
I don't know what I'm doing
But I'm doing it and burning off
the me who wouldn't dare